Your past

Is done so forget it.

Your future is yet to come, so dream it,

But your present is now, so live it with no regrets.

–Kylie*

Content warning: this story mentions neglect within the out-of-home care system.

My name is Kylie* and I am a 15 year old girl who loves writing, her farm work and horse riding. I have been in foster care for about 6 years and have moved about 30 different times. I recently moved in with my sister-in-law, two brothers and nephew.

Whenever I used to go to school I did not succeed or do well because I was always stressed and worried due to not having a very good life outside of school. Since moving in with my family I have been succeeding a lot more. I have had three job opportunities since moving in with my family. I am currently studying in year 10 going into year 11.

Next year I am planning on doing a traineeship in aged care. When I leave school and go to university I plan to study nursing. I am not going to let the past impact me. I'm going to succeed in life. I’m going to show everyone by ignoring the horrible people and focusing on me.

How did COVID-19 change my life?

Covid put a stop on all the productions and shows that I was meant to be performing in. Performances that were meant to be at the start of the year were pushed back until the end of the year. It was very devastating having it cancelled and changed all the time.

I was living in residential care, the ‘resi’ care units had to shut down and no kids were allowed in there. All kids were moved to different homes. I was put back with a carer that I was with at age 11. They were not very nice people towards me, they cut all contact with friends and family and would not let me have any technology or leave the house unless it was to go to school.

Covid also made education extremely hard. Doing school online was a struggle for me being in year 9 and a little bit of year 10. I can't sit still long enough or stare at a computer screen without getting headaches easily, and I like being able to socialise so it was definitely a challenge. But we all had to adapt to it, I guess.

I have been in foster care for about 6 years and have moved about 30 different times.

–Kylie*

What changes with every move?

Every time I move home I seem to move a few hours away from where I am living at the time. This has a big impact on me because I lose a lot of friends in the move. This tends to happen because it is long distance friendships, and a lot of people struggle with that. Eventually the contact dwindles and it becomes harder to maintain those relationships.

I have managed to keep a couple of good friendships though. Another issue that I struggle with a lot is every time I move it involves moving schools as well. I am very antisocial when it comes to me not knowing many people, so moving schools and getting settled into a new school is hard for me to do. I have social anxiety towards people I’ve never met before as well, which makes it take more time for me to get fully settled into a new school, it's about a week before I get really settled, but then I always get a lot of bullying for the fact that I don't have parents that I live with or talk to. Being the new kid always leads to gossip, or it feels like people are staring, even if they aren’t.

What has moving houses been like?    

Moving homes has been a lot of mixed emotions for me. I feel anxious and scared every time I am on my way to a new house, because I do not usually know anything about the new place and don't know who they are. Depending on the home and lifestyle I was living beforehand, sometimes I feel a big relief when someone from the Department of Families, Fairness and Housing (DFFH) comes and takes me somewhere else. That only happens when I do not feel safe or if I don't like it because I don't feel welcomed or comfortable. 

Sometimes I make good bonds, am enjoying myself and then DFFH just remove me from that placement.

–Kylie*

Hardest thing about moving?

The hardest thing about moving would be not knowing if I will ever see any of those people again. Moving schools as I have mentioned is definitely a very hard part of moving. If I like the place and I'm enjoying living there, and then DFFH just randomly moves me, then that is really hard too. Sometimes I make good bonds, am enjoying myself and then DFFH just remove me from that placement. I wake up a lot and think ‘oh no, are DFFH going to come and take me off my sister and brother today?’.

That insecurity leaves a mark, except only I can see it. It makes me worry because it has happened in the past. Another hard thing is when DFFH doesn't tell me why they are moving me or tell me anything about where we are going. It is very hard at the age of 15 because I don't really get a say in anything and just get taken and placed wherever to make the department's life easier. It feels like I have no control.

Best thing about moving?

While I am afraid of moving, there are also some bonuses about it. I do enjoy meeting new people and making new memories. As hard as it can be there is always something good to find. I try and stay optimistic and positive. A lot of the time when I move it gives me the opportunity to have a fresh start, leave the past behind from other homes and start fresh, with new chances and opportunities. It’s up to me how I face a fresh start.

Sometimes it is easy to believe that people don’t care, or that they forget you, and it is important to remember how much people love you.

–Kylie*

Something I like about my life now?

I am enjoying a lot of things about my life at the minute. I have my own horse which I get to go and ride a couple times a week. I have made a lot of friends that are into the same things as me, which means we can go riding together, and go out to each other's farms together. I am really enjoying living with my brother's nephew and sister in-law at the moment too. I am very grateful for everything they do for me. I am the happiest I have ever been living with them. 

Something I wish I knew earlier!

I wish I knew how much my brother and sister-in-law, and her family actually cared about me. I knew they all cared about me but not as much as I had realised. A lot more than I thought. Sometimes it is easy to believe that people don’t care, or that they forget you, and it is important to remember how much people love you. Like they all loved me, and I wish I knew that when I was going through all my hard times, because it would have helped me get through them a lot easier.  

Message I want to share with other young people

  • Speak up - I know how scary that can be sometimes, but you will learn it’s the best thing for you in the long run. You are your own best advocate
  • You can achieve anything you put your mind to. Sometimes it’s easy to make excuses or blame the past.
  • Don't let your past determine your future. The easiest way to do that and achieve is to ask for all the help you need.
  • Leave your past behind, there are two roads you can take. The same path you grew up with, or a whole new life. Being successful and growing up better than you were brought up. Being strong helps. Put your mind to it and you can do it.
  • A good life is a collection of happy memories and experiences. 

Your past

Is done so forget it.

Your future is yet to come, so dream it,

But your present is now, so live it with no regrets.

–Kylie*

I hope you enjoyed reading my story. I want to continue writing blogs, sharing my experience and improving the lives of young people who have been through anything similar to me.

If Kylie's story raised any issues for you, you can talk to these services:

*Kylie's name and identity have been de-personalised for safety reasons

Kylie previously wrote this blog post as a 12 year old wanting to see change